


Seeking Love

by defbumsin



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Fluff, M/M, Smut, some alcoholism, some verbal and physical abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2018-11-08 08:23:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11077722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/defbumsin/pseuds/defbumsin
Summary: WARNING: abusive language and alcohol addiction are used in this chapter and there is a moment of hitting. Please do not read if you find this triggering!





	1. Chapter 1

Jaebum woke up Monday morning feeling relieved. The only time he ever got to wake up like this while home from college was while his mother was away at work. Waking up on weekends was a different story. He knows that at some point his mother will have to come home so he takes advantage of the feeling when given the chance.

Jaebum loved his mom. Or rather, he had love for her. If something were to ever happen to her he would of course be concerned. He didn’t like her though. He couldn’t stand being in the same room with her without wanting to scream until his lungs gave out. Jaebum’s relationship with his mother was abusive. Every day they argued and each argument resulted in verbal threats; sometimes he even got hit.

Before his sophomore year of college, Jaebum’s relationship with his mother was, for lack of a better word, normal. Like any parent-child relationship, Jaebum and his mother had their occasional arguments, but they were never as serious as they are now. Ever since _he_ came into the picture, everything changed for the worst. Jaebum didn’t like his mom’s boyfriend since the moment they met. Something about him gave Jaebum a bad vibe and his mother hated it, telling Jaebum that he just didn’t want to see her happy—that he was selfish for wanting her to only focus her attention on him. It pissed Jaebum off that his mother felt that way. He wanted his mother to be happy; what child wouldn’t want that for their parent? He just didn’t want her to find what she calls ‘happiness’ in a relationship that wasn’t healthy for her.

At this point though, about to start his senior year of college in just a few days, Jaebum just kept his mouth shut, allowing her to start the arguments instead. He stopped arguing back because when he did, he always regretted it afterwards. His mother always heard what he had to say but didn’t listen, ignoring his feelings in the process. Now, Jaebum was just tired. If his mother was going to choose to be in an unhealthy relationship just so she wouldn’t feel lonely, then so be it. Jaebum didn’t want to deal with it anymore. He had his last year of college and the rest of his future ahead of him, and he was looking forward to moving on.

Jaebum rolled over, poking his head out from under his blanket and checked his phone. He had no missed calls or unread messages from his mom so his day was going to start out nice. He got out of bed and made his way down the hall to the bathroom to start getting ready. For the past couple of days, it rained non-stop and now they were finally getting some good weather. Jaebum was excited. He couldn’t wait to roam the neighborhood so he could immerse himself in one of his favorite escapes: photography. Jaebum loved taking photos and he had an eye for the profession too. His main goal was to become a director for movies; the process fascinated him so much. However, he also dreamed of becoming a professional photographer, having a strong passion for both.

He got dressed in a pair of ripped black jeans and plain white t-shirt, a denim jacket and his leather Clarks, grabbing his round specs to complete the look. He didn’t bother with his hair, however. He knew it was time for a haircut but he actually liked when the black strands got long. His best friend, Jackson, told Jaebum the look made him look like one of those emo kids they went to high school with. Jaebum on the other hand thought the style made him look chic and sexy. Jaebum finally made his way out the door, leaving the problems he knew he would soon have to face behind him for a few hours of serenity.

 

Grabbing his jacket was a smart choice. There was a much cooler breeze than what the weather man reported. Jaebum sat on a rock next to the big pond in the middle of the park that was just a few blocks from his house. He had taken photos of the scenery and the loving couples walking throughout the park and now he was just taking the time to be wrapped up in his thoughts.

He was so happy that he was going back to school in a few days. He couldn’t wait to escape from the troubles within the walls of the place that was supposed to be his home. However, Jaebum was also afraid. He was going to be a senior and soon he would be graduating, having to step up and become a real adult. Every day he worried about graduating without a job waiting for him. He wanted nothing more than to get away from his mom and her boyfriend. All he could do at this point though was hope that things would turn out in his favor. Jaebum of course was going to make sure that he did everything in his power to get what he wanted, to reach that happiness he’s been seeking for the past two years.

Jaebum closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Even though he had his worries, Jaebum was in a good mood. The environment was warm and for some reason, the air around him felt different and Jaebum welcomed it. He had a feeling something was going to happen today, but it wasn’t alarming. He was supposed to be meeting up with Jackson in a few minutes and knowing how his hangouts with his friend always turned out, Jaebum assumed the feeling came from what may happen when the two would be together soon.

He took one last look around him. Everything was peaceful and Jaebum allowed himself to take one last deep breath before he would have to make his way to his friend. He wanted to cherish this moment since he didn’t experience many of them. Jaebum knew this week was still going to be a rough one, but he still wanted to cherish the good while it lasted.

 

“Jaebum! Oh my god, I’ve missed you! How are you? Wow, your face looks like shit. What’s wrong?”

“Hello to you too, Jackson.”

Jaebum still didn’t understand how him and Jackson had become friends. Their personalities were completely opposite of one another. Jaebum was a very energetic guy, but only when he wanted to be. Jackson was a different case. The young man was like a walking energizer bunny, always on the go. Jaebum never complained though. Jackson’s bright personality complimented Jaebum’s laid back one, and vice versa.

“Ah, you know I’m just teasing. Seriously though, how are you?”

“Things are the same. Seriously can’t wait to go back to school.”

“You should have told my parents! You know they wouldn’t mind having you stay with us even when I’m not there.”

“Yea, I know. Thanks Jackson.”

Jaebum was grateful to have Jackson in his life. He was always so supportive and there for Jaebum when he needed someone. However, Jaebum didn’t want to burden Jackson and his family. His problems were his alone and he felt it was unfair to impose them on others.

The two began to walk, not really sure where exactly they were headed. Both were definitely hungry though. Jaebum hadn’t eaten before he left the house and he was beginning to feel it, his stomach feeling like it was caving into his back. Soon they came across a restaurant and got settled into their booth.

It’s been a while since Jaebum and Jackson had gotten together like this. He wanted to tell Jackson of everything that had gone on during the summer, but Jackson was away at camp as a counselor and the area he was in had no service. Besides, Jaebum felt it would be better to update Jackson in person.

“The asshole thinks he’s my dad now. Every day he’s yelling at me and trying to boss me around. It’s gotten a lot worse than I ever thought it could. We almost fought last night”

“What! And your mom still isn’t doing anything about it?”

Jaebum could only sigh and shake his head. It got under his skin how passive his mother was. She literally did nothing and only watched as her boyfriend threw all and any kinds of disrespect towards Jaebum.

“I’m really sorry Jaebum. I don’t understand how any parent could be like this, especially a mother. Are you sure you don’t want to come stay with us for the rest of the week?”

Jaebum was about to give his agreement to the offer when he was cut off by the waiter.

“Good afternoon! My name is Jinyoung and I will be your server today. Can I start you guys off with a drink?”

Jaebum was rendered speechless. The young man standing before him was wearing the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. The way his eyes made little crinkles on the side didn’t go unnoticed either. How was Jaebum supposed to think about what he wanted to drink when this man was gracing him with his presence.

“Sir?”

“Huh? Oh, um, I’ll just have a water with lemon please.”

“Sounds good. I’ll be right back with your drinks.”

Jaebum didn’t notice he was staring. He’s seen a lot of good looking men before but none have ever been able to stop him in his tracks like their waiter did. Clearly Jackson had noticed though, because now the young man was leaning over the table towards Jaebum, eyebrows raised so high they were almost touching his bangs.

“Care to share what that was just now, Jaebum?”

“Would you get out of my face please,” putting his hand on Jackson’s face and pushing him back in his seat. Jaebum felt embarrassed enough that his staring was so obvious. The last thing he needed was his friend making a big deal out of it. Jackson huffed and sat back in his seat, but he wasn’t going to let the subject go so easily.

“Oh come on Jaebum, I saw the way you looked at him. You obviously thought he was cute. When was the last time you got some ass anyways?”

“Jackson! Now is not the time-”

“Here is your pepsi, and here is your water with lemon. Are you guys ready to order your meal? If not, I can come back when you are.”

Once again, Jaebum couldn’t speak. This time it wasn’t Jinyoung’s face Jaebum was thinking about. It was his voice. It was deep but also very smooth, soft even. Before he could get too wrapped up in his thoughts again though, Jaebum quickly collected himself and told Jinyoung his order, Jackson following after. Jinyoung told the boys again that he’ll be back soon and walked away, leaving Jaebum once again to be the victim of Jackson’s interrogation.

“So, as I was saying. The last time you got some ass?”

“Jesus Jackson, I don’t know. Since April. Maybe May?”

“Well, I think it’s time for you to get laid again. I think it’ll be a nice way for you to relax a little before we go back to school.”

“Listen, I know I’m going through a lot right now but, sex? I don’t think that’s the answer. Besides, what if he’s not gay?”

“Not gay? Really, Jaebum? Next time he comes back look at how his pants are rolled up!”

“Jackson, please. Another time, okay?”

“Oh alright, fine. I have something to tell you anyways.”

“What is it?”

Jaebum was relieved for the change of topic. Truthfully, he wanted to be in a relationship. It’s been four years since Jaebum’s last relationship and he was starting to feel a bit lonely. He was happy that he had his friends to go to when he needed support and advice; Jackson was especially great for this which was why Jaebum appreciated him so much. Still, it wasn’t the same as sharing your problems with your partner. Sometimes Jaebum just wanted someone he could go to that would hold and cuddle him, telling him that things will get better. Why was that so much to ask for?

“Well, um, you know how I worked at a camp this summer, right?”

“Mhm?”

“Okay well, while I was there I became really good friends with the other counselors…”

“Okay…”

“Like, really good friends…”

“Oh God Jackson, would you get to the point already?”

“I met this guy named Mark and well, we hit it off. He’s really sweet and he makes me laugh so much. Oh, and his smile. His smile is so beautiful and warm.”

“So you’re in love?”

“Love? Who said anything about that?”

“You know I’m just messing with you.”

“I know Mark and I just met in May but I really like him a lot. He makes me happy.”

“I’m happy you’re happy. That’s all I ever want for you. So uh, did you tell your parents?”

“Yea, I did.”

“How did that go?”

“Actually, it went pretty well. They were really supportive. I don’t know why I was so afraid to come out before. I could have done it so much sooner!”

“Well, all that matters is that you did and your parents still love you, regardless of how many dicks you like to have shoved down your throat.”

“Jaebum!”

“Oh look, the food is here!”

 

The moment Jaebum put his key in the door he wished he was back with Jackson at the restaurant, surrounded by warmth and happiness. He knew what was waiting for him and he was not pleased. He barely got one foot through the door before his mother was yelling at him, asking where he was all day and trying to start a fight with him over literally anything she could think of. Every argument she started with him was over small, stupid things. At this point the only thing that brought Jaebum any sense of peace in the house was his cat, Nora. She was great at telling when Jaebum was in a bad mood. Nora would come to him purring and rubbing her face against his, bringing Jaebum the comfort he needed each time his mother and/or her boyfriend decided to pick fights with him.

Jaebum wasn’t about to indulge his mother; he was truly done fighting. His day had been nice and he really wanted to keep it that way. He refused to let her ruin it. He continued to walk to his room, picking up Nora on his way and lightly closed his door. Nora climbed onto his bed and laid down next to his pillow while Jaebum stripped out of his clothes so he could shower before sleeping.

He turned on the water to as hot as he could handle and let the streams pound down onto his back, relaxing his muscles while he let his mind roam free. The first thing, or person rather, that came to his mind was the waiter from the restaurant. Jaebum was still embarrassed that he was staring so obviously at the young man, but he didn’t feel bad for it. He didn’t like the guy of course, but he was definitely attracted to him. Part of him felt that he should have listened to Jackson and asked for his number, but it was too late now. Of course he could always just go back to the restaurant and ask, but Jaebum wasn’t about to do that. He felt it would just embarrass him even more. It was just one guy anyways so it wasn’t that big of a deal.

 

Jaebum climbed into bed yawning and snuggled Nora a bit closer to him. He was a lot more tired than he thought he had been, eyes getting heavy in just a matter of minutes. Sleep finally took over, but not before the waiter he had been so infatuated with graced his thoughts once more.

_Whatever. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: abusive language and alcohol addiction are used in this chapter and there is a moment of hitting. Please do not read if you find this triggering!

There was a time when Jaebum’s mom never drank. She wouldn’t even look at liquor and when it was time for Jaebum to start college, she expressed her fear that he might party too much during his freshman year and become an alcoholic. Yet once again, ever since she started dating _him_ , the man who took part in her relationship with Jaebum doing a complete 180, that changed.

Jaebum understood that some people’s way of relaxing at the end of a long day was by having a beer or two. He was in college after all so of course he knew what it was like. However, his mother never just had a beer or a simple glass of wine. Every night she would come home from work with a few bottles of Apple Ciroc, which Jaebum now despised. About an hour later one of those bottles would be finished; his mother would be off in her own little world, happy from the alcohol as words poured out of her mouth in the form of slurs. However, the second she would see Jaebum, hell would break loose.

This is when arguments were the worst. _Selfish,_ _ungrateful,_ _know-it-all_ : these were just a small fraction of the insults she would use to hurt Jaebum. The words got to him of course, but not as much as how she meant each and every word. She never apologized either. Instead she would just act like she never said those things to him. Confronting her about it never worked either, always ending in another argument with the same verbal insults. Any hope of some sort of improvement to their relationship was lost.

Wednesday night Jaebum and his mother got into their biggest fight. Harsh words hung in the air as tears were shed and what was left of their relationship had come to an end. Jaebum believed that there was no turning back after what happened that night. He no longer wanted his mother to be a part of his life. Even if it meant not inviting her to his graduation, he didn’t care. After all of the nasty names she called him and putting an abusive boyfriend before him just so she would no longer feel lonely, Jaebum promised himself to never love anyone again. If his own mother, someone who was supposed to love him unconditionally, could hurt him that badly, then Jaebum refused to let anyone else in, fearing that they’ll just do far worse damage.

Truthfully, Jaebum didn’t want to have to resort to this. He was never the type of person to close himself off from getting close to others. However, with everything that has happened, Jaebum felt like he had no other choice. The final argument he had with his mother left a bigger impact on him than he liked. Crazily though, a part of him felt it was for the best. He knew now it was time to truly move on and live a life that would be better for him. If that meant a life without his mother in it, then so be it.

 

_Wednesday night..._

 

“So let’s talk about the hot waiter from that restaurant we went to,” Jackson said, wiggling his eyebrows at Jaebum while simultaneously shoving a handful of fries down his throat.

“Jackson, no. I told you before to let it go,” shaking his head and chuckling as he watched the younger boy struggle to chew. It was no lie that the waiter was still on his mind, but Jaebum knew that pursuing the young man would be pointless. He was going back to school in two days so he would never see him again. Or at least, not for a while anyways. Therefore, Jaebum just didn’t see the point.

Jaebum began laughing louder now as he watched Jackson throw a fake tantrum through the camera of his laptop. Jackson whined and complained about almost everything, but it was always in good fun and to get a laugh out of his friends.

“Oh come on! I know you’ve been thinking about him so let me help you,” Jackson said as he made his eyes big and stuck his bottom lip out, trying to convince Jaebum with his signature puppy-dog look.

No matter how many times he’s seen this look, Jaebum always fell victim to it. Just as he was about to cave and ask Jackson what grand scheme he had in mind, he heard a click. Jaebum’s attention left Jackson completely the second he heard the key turn in the door. Throughout his entire conversation with Jackson he was happy and relaxed with no thoughts of his mother occupying his mind. Now that she was home Jaebum’s body tensed and his mood immediately turned dark.

“Jackson I have to go. I’ll text you,” sighing as he got ready to close his laptop.

One of the great things about Jaebum’s friendship with Jackson was how well they could communicate with each other without or with few words. Jackson knew what Jaebum’s message was code for, so he ended their facetime call without any argument, knowing that Jaebum will contact him again later as promised.

Like he did every night once his mother was home, Jaebum stayed in his room. To keep himself occupied, he began packing more of the things he planned on bringing back to school. Before he knew it, an hour had passed and he was beginning to feel hungry. He walked down the hall toward the kitchen as quietly as he could and held his breath. He knew at this hour his mother was drunk, so he was afraid that if she heard him approaching while in her intoxicated state an argument would start. When he saw that the living room, dining room and kitchen were all empty he immediately relaxed and released his breath. He went into the kitchen and took a quick look into the cabinets and fridge. Eventually he settled on making brisket with kimchi fried rice, and began taking out the ingredients, pans and utensils he needed to make his dinner.

Not even ten minutes had passed before Jaebum heard his mother’s bedroom door opening. His entire body stiffened as his defenses came up. Jaebum prayed silently to God, asking to send her to the bathroom and back to her room, but unfortunately it went unheard. The sound of the thinly sliced pieces of meat sizzling in the skillet had caught her attention and now her footsteps were drawing nearer to the kitchen.

“What you making there Jaebum? Smells good,” eyes barely open as she slurred her words, bumping into the wall as she struggled to keep her balance.

“Food.” He tried his hardest not to answer with any anger present in his voice, but at this point the reaction had become natural when talking to her.

“Better fix that attitude of yours.”

“I don’t have an attitude,” continuing to make his dinner as he began to stir the rice in another skillet, adding kimchi.

His mother got quiet as she stood there and watched as he cooked. Jaebum had thought she was done bothering him as she went to grab another bottle of vodka, but before leaving to go back to her room she leaned over his shoulder to take a peak at what he was making. Immediately the alcohol on her breath hit his nose and Jaebum moved quickly to the left, making a sound of disgust as his lips curled up and rolled his eyes.

“What the fuck is your problem Jaebum?”

“I have no problem you’re just drunk,” snapping at her before he realized the words coming out of his mouth.

“You know what-” snatching the wooden spoon out of his hand before even finishing her sentence. Jaebum’s mouth dropped open in shock but it didn’t last long before he was looking at her, eyes wide and breathing heavy. His mother, despite being intoxicated, stared back at him, eyes also wide and chest rising with her anger.

“I think you need to leave,” she said as the anger in her voice made her sound soberer than she was, and turned off the burners.

“Wait, what?” Jaebum shifted on his feet, wary of the turn the conversation was about to take.

“You heard me. I’ve been putting up with your attitude for a long time Jaebum and I’m tired. You’re not about to continue talking to me however you want while living under my roof. Leave.”

“Are you serious right-,” staring at his mother in disbelief. His heart dropped at the next round of words that came flying out of her mouth.

“MOTHER FUCKER I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT,” throwing the wooden spoon at his face, Jaebum flinching in response.

Jaebum couldn’t believe this. His mother was kicking him out. Jaebum knew she wasn’t doing this because of his attitude. She wanted him gone because she knew his feelings were justified. She knew that what she was doing, putting a man who abused her before her own child, was wrong. Keeping Jaebum in her house would only lead to more arguments; Jaebum would continue to point out the faults in their relationship due to her poor choices. Now that it all clicked, Jaebum let go. If this was how she wanted it, then he was going to give her what she wanted and then some.

“That’s it, isn’t it?” Jaebum took a step closer to his mother as his anger began to rise. He didn’t care to control it at the moment, focusing instead on hurting her just as she had hurt him.

“What the hell are you talking about?” She began to take a step back, but remembering her authority, she opted to step forward just like Jaebum had.

“This whole time you wanted me gone. You wanted me out because you couldn’t stand the fact that I would put you in your fucking place about how pathetic you’ve become just so you wouldn’t feel lonely every night your sorry ass came in from work-” His entire body began to shake as tears threatened to spill from his eyes and his hands balled up into tight fists. His mother had just slapped him, hard, and his left cheek was beginning to sting as the skin began to rise, forming welts.

“I want you to take all of your shit along with your nasty attitude and get the fuck out of my house,” pointing her finger in the direction of the front door with no sign of remorse showing on her face.

Without another word Jaebum quickly made his way down the hall to his room, slamming the door as hard as he could as he began sobbing hard and loud. He truly couldn’t believe this was happening to him. Two days before going back to college and his mother was permanently kicking him out because she couldn’t own up to her own mistakes.

Jaebum reached for his phone and dialed Jackson’s number. As he waited for Jackson to pick up, his mother stood outside his door and continued on with her verbal attacks.

“For 20 years I raised you on my own. I provided for you and this is how you thank me? With your smart ass mouth and attitude? You should be fucking grateful!”

He wanted to respond to her so badly but he knew that it would only make it worse. The situation was bad enough and the last thing Jaebum wanted was for more fuel to be added to the fire.

“You think because you’re grown now that you can just talk to me any kind of way you want?  I am your mother and if you can’t respect me then you can take your ass out of my house and be grown somewhere else. Mother fucker I pay the rent in here. Who the fuck are you to judge me!”

Jaebum’s patience was running thin and just as he was about to give in and respond, Jackson answered the phone.

“So what did she say this time?” Jackson was laying down bored, staring at the ceiling as he waited for Jaebum to respond.

“Jackson I n-need to come over, p-please,” voice shaking as the tears continued to roll down his face.

Jackson immediately shot up from his bed as his body filled with worry. The tone of Jaebum’s voice and the obviousness that he was crying told him that things had took a turn for the worse. Before he knew what he was doing, he was putting on his shoes and grabbing his car keys.

“Jaebum I’m going to come over-”

“No! No, Jackson, please. Just s-stay there I promise I’ll b-be there shortly,” panic and fear evident in Jaebum’s voice.

“Okay…but if anything happens in the meantime you make sure to call me” he said as he reluctantly sat down on his bed. He wanted to do all that he could to help his friend, but if Jaebum felt it was best to keep him away from the obvious mess taking place at his house, then Jackson was going to trust his words and stay away.

“Thank you J-Jackson.”

“Of course.”

Hanging up and wiping the tears away, Jaebum quickly threw his clothes into his suitcase and in twenty minutes, was carrying his belongings outside and packing up his car. The second he walked past his mother as she was sitting in the living room, she began her round of insults once more.

“So I see you’re going to Jackson’s place. What, you think his mother can take care of you better than me? You think that bitch makes a better mother than me?” She scoffed, shaking her head and taking another sip from her vodka-filled glass.

Jaebum stopped in the doorway and quickly turned around, eyes narrowed at his mother. He would be damned if he ever let anyone, his mother included, insult Jackson’s mother. Sophia Wang was always like a second mother to him and during the past two years, she was a better mother to him than his own.

“You can say what the fuck you want about me but you will leave Mrs. Wang out of this,” turning back around to continue walking toward his car, not giving his mother a chance to respond. Before getting in his car to finally make his way to Jackson’s, Jaebum ran back to his room to collect Nora and her things.

“Come on girl, in the cage you go,” sniffling as he tried to be strong now that the situation was becoming more real than he wanted it be. Whether he was being strong for himself or Nora Jaebum wasn’t sure, but he knew the small cat could sense how upset he was and he didn’t want to make her worry.

The cat meowed at him as she easily crawled into her cage and got comfortable for the ride she somehow knew she was about to go on. Jaebum took one last look around his room as he tried to think of the good times he had while here. Memories of him and Jackson having sleep overs and long talks came to his mind and for a second, Jaebum actually smiled. Unfortunately, like most times he felt an inkling of happiness while home, it went away as quickly as it came as he heard his mother’s footsteps once more. Before she could make her way to his room, Jaebum picked up Nora’s cage and her things and made his way out of the apartment, not sparing a single glance toward his mother. Finally, in his car, Jaebum placed Nora in the passenger seat and pulled out his phone. 

**Jaebum**

_I’m on my way_

**Jackson**

_Front door’s unlocked_

He set his phone down, put the key into the ignition and started the engine. Before pulling out of the driveway, he took one last look through his mirror at the place he knew he had no plans of ever returning to. Putting his foot on the gas, Jaebum closed one chapter of his life as he turned out of the driveway to begin a new one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took me so long to update. A lot has been going on plus I'm taking summer courses so I had to hold off on writing. 
> 
> Originally, the chapter was going to be 4K+ words but I felt making you guys read that would be torture, so I cut it. So think of chapter 3 as a "part 2" to this one once it's uploaded. I really do hate that I had to break it up because I feel this chapter just took a sharp left and it happened so soon. However, I do believe it'll help for chapters in the future so please bare with me! 
> 
> I also decided to read chapter one again and wow, lots of work to be done. This is still my first time writing a fic like this though so I know I can improve. Hopefully I did better writing this chapter though. 
> 
> As always, please leave me comments and feedback! :)


	3. Chapter 3

“I know I’ve said this so many times before, but really Jaebum, I’m so sorry that all of this happened to you,” Jackson said, his body full of worry as he watched Jaebum, a look of emptiness on the older boy’s face.

It was early in the afternoon as both boys were lounging in the living room. In a state of shock, Jaebum was unable to respond. Falling asleep was also a struggle, constantly tossing and turning as he laid in the guest bed. Every time he closed his eyes the darkness was replaced with the last person he ever wanted to see: his mother. Her harsh words played in his head all night like a broken record.

If it weren’t for Jackson, Jaebum didn’t know what he would have done. He could have contacted his father, but Jaebum knew he also shared bad blood with his mother. Ever since his parents divorced the two had trouble communicating civilly with one another, always letting their past dictate their feelings. He really didn’t want to cause more trouble, especially so soon after everything that happened, so he decided it would be best to wait a while before updating his father on everything. Jaebum knew that his father would be irritated with finding out so late, but he only wanted to do what he thought was best.

Seeing how lost he was getting in his thoughts, Jackson leaned over and placed his hand on Jaebum’s knee, shaking him a bit to bring him back to the present.

“I still need to pick up a few things before we leave tomorrow and I think it’ll be good for you to come with me. Might help you release some stress by keeping yourself occupied,” not moving his hand as he waited for Jaebum’s reply.

“Actually, I was going to go out for a run instead. I appreciate the offer, but I think I need some time alone. I don’t want to think about last night either, but I need to get this sorted out with myself before school starts. I don’t want to start our senior year with negativity,” placing his hand on top of Jackson’s, hoping his silent message of telling him not to worry was received.

Jackson opened his mouth but closed it quickly, wanting to protest but deciding that it would be best to give Jaebum the space he needed. “Okay, I understand. Call if you still want to meet up though.”

Replying with a nod of his head, Jackson gave Jaebum’s knee a firm squeeze before heading up to his room. Jaebum took a deep breath and closed his eyes, running a hand through his hair as he wondered if his life could possibly get worse than it already was. Just as he told Jackson, he really didn’t want to think about last night even more than he already had been. He wanted to ignore the situation and lock it away into a box of suppressed memories that he never wanted to access again. Yet Jaebum also knew that ignoring problems never solved them nor made them go away, so he felt he should deal with this sooner rather than later.

He got up to start making his way back up to the guest room to change into his workout clothes when Jackson’s mother, Sophia Wang, suddenly called out to him; he was surprised that she was down stairs because neither him or Jackson had noticed her come down the stairs. He made his way over to the dining room and put a small smile on his face upon seeing her, trying to put her at ease as he was afraid that she overheard his conversation with Jackson just a few moments ago. Jackson’s mom was very beautiful. She had long, brunette hair, big brown eyes and small lips. She was about the average height for women and had a small figure due to her days as a gymnast when she was younger.

“How are you feeling?” she said as she sat down at the table and poured herself a cup of green tea.

“I’m good.” Unsure of what to do or say next, Jaebum stood there and stared at the table, hands playing with the hem of his shirt.

A long silence filled the space as Mrs. Wang struggled with the right words to say to comfort Jaebum. She knew Jaebum since he and Jackson were in pre-school together and he was always very bubbly and happy when around her, so seeing him like this wasn’t easy for her. Mrs. Wang saw and treated Jaebum as one of her own and seeing how his current relationship with his mother was turning out not only pained her, but also made her blood boil. The moment he arrived Jaebum began telling Jackson of what went down and Mrs. Wang had overheard the conversation while making a trip to the bathroom. Just like Jackson, Sophia was left in complete shock. She couldn’t believe nor understand how a mother could ever treat their child that way, especially Jaebum’s mother, someone who she thought she knew very well. Thankfully neither Mrs. Wang nor Jackson knew of his mother’s harsh words toward her as Jaebum made sure to leave that part out.

Mrs. Wang carefully looked at Jaebum before finally deciding to walk over to him and embrace him in a tight hug. Jaebum’s body stiffened once he realized what she was about to do, but began to relax in her warm embrace once her arms were wrapped securely around his broad shoulders.

“I may be speaking out of place, and I apologize in advance, but please don’t ever hesitate to come to me. For anything. I am here for you Jaebum, just as I have always been,” petting Jaebum’s hair ever so slightly to help comfort him more and reassure him of her support.

Upon hearing her words, Jaebum clung to Mrs. Wang like a frightened child would, wrinkling the back of her blouse and breathing heavy as he struggled to not break down in her arms. Once again, he found it hard to express what he wanted to say with words, opting to give a nod of his head instead as he hugged her back tightly. As the two parted, Mrs. Wang wiped away a single tear off Jaebum’s left cheek that happened to escape despite his efforts to keep them at bay.

“I know it may not seem like it right now, but it will get better. Now go on, and make sure you’re back in time enough for dinner,” she said as she cupped Jaebum’s face in the palm of her hand.

“Thank you Mrs. Wang, for everything,” smiling at her one last time before heading back to the guest room to change.

Jaebum made his way outside and began his run, letting his feet carry him wherever they wanted as he let his mind be once more occupied with thoughts of last night’s argument.

 

 

An hour later and Jaebum was slowing down into a jog, then into a walk as he began to cool down. It was going on 4 p.m. and his legs were burning, his intense running starting to take effect. He decided it would be a good idea to head back to Jackson’s to shower, but he wanted to grab something to eat first as the workout had made him hungry. Unsure of what to eat, Jaebum let himself roam the neighborhood, figuring he’d just decide on what to get based on whatever sounded good at the moment.

Jaebum was still feeling a bit down, but he was able to come to two conclusions during his run. Something he thought he really wasn’t going to do ever again was talk to his mother. He understood that what happened between them in the past two years of their relationship, especially the night of their argument, was mainly his mother’s fault. It was her poor decisions that led them to where they are now. So badly Jaebum wanted to believe that his mother loved him and that the reason she was like this was because she was desperate for the love she so badly wanted. However, what ever reason there may be, it will never excuse the way she treated Jaebum the past two years. That’s why he wanted to talk to her again. Jaebum wanted answers.

He didn’t want to understand her reasons though. Jaebum felt that a parent’s reasons for being cruel toward their child was something that didn’t deserve to be understood. His mother didn’t deserve his sympathy. What Jaebum wanted was to know _why._ Again, Jaebum knew that she was desperate for someone to love her, but _why?_ Was getting someone to love her really worth damaging her relationship with him? Jaebum’s own answer to this was yes because she put their relationship on the line, but it wasn’t his answer to give. He wanted to know her answer. He needed to know her answer.

Despite Jaebum’s plan to have this talk with his mother, there was one thing that would stop this from happening. Jaebum and his mother didn’t know how to talk to each other anymore. The past two years the both formed the habit of talking _at_ each other. The chances of them actually hearing what the other had to say and their relationship improving? Jaebum felt those chances were slim. Still, he knew he had to try. If he didn’t then nothing would happen and him and his mother would get no where. He didn’t want to make the first move, but Jaebum knew how stubborn his mother was. If things failed and ended completely, then Jaebum felt that it would be alright as long as he knew that he put in the effort to make things work.

The second thing that Jaebum decided on, which he also felt was the most important, was not letting this situation dictate his life. Despite not having many friends, Jaebum still loved interacting with people. He wasn’t an introvert—ambivert was more like it. If he allowed the downfall of his relationship with his mother to affect and hurt his current relationships with his friends and any future relationships, then he would never get anywhere nor would he ever be happy. He was so glad he realized that now before it was too late.

This decision not only applied to relationships with friends, but relationships with people who he could potentially become more than friends with. Recently Jaebum has been wanting to date again and he knew he would be a fool if he let his mother get in the way of his happiness. If someone were to just suddenly come out of the sky and into his lap, he would gladly accept. Jaebum knew a sign when he was given one.

There were a lot of restaurants along the blocks that Jaebum had walked, food ranging from Thai, Chinese, Italian, Japanese and Mexican. Yet, none of them appealed to him. He wanted something simple. As if someone from above were listening to his thoughts, Jaebum came across a café at the corner of the block. When looking in from the outside, the café seemed small, illuminated by the natural lighting from the day’s sunny weather. Tall, wide windows made up most of the outer structure of the café, each of them having what Jaebum thought to be cheesy tumblr quotes on them. The rest was made of brick; the cocoa colored stucco plastered over it beginning to chip at the bottom. “Café de Marques” shined in Jaebum’s eyes in big, bold gold letters as he entered the café.

The café smelled of freshly ground coffee and cinnamon. The floor was made of black hardwood, the walls were of a very light brown and the windows were lined with polished wood tables ranging in all shades of brown that either had two or four chairs paired with them. Light bulbs attached to copper wire hung from the ceiling to provide light when the outside couldn’t. The wall behind the counter was adorned with five big chalk boards, each one titled as “Coffee,” “Tea,” “Meals,” “Treats,” and “Mugs and Things.”

Jaebum looked at the menus for the meals and coffee listed and found that the café options actually sounded good to have as his lunch. Deciding on what he wanted, he stepped up to the counter to be greeted by a tall, skinny man around his age with a wide smile, teeth blinding Jaebum by how white they were. The cashier was about 5’9, had small pink lips, brown hair with slightly messy bangs and a mole on the bottom of his eyelid and above his lip. His eyes were a dark brown and happy, making Jaebum feel as if he were being welcomed by an old friend.

“Good afternoon! How may I help you today?” The man said, smiling brightly at Jaebum as if all he knew in the world was happiness.

“Hi, may I have the turkey club and a medium iced black coffee? Oh, can you throw in a strawberry cake pop too?” ordering his food as he began to take out his wallet.

“Sure. Will that be all?”

“Yes, thank you,” giving a small smile in return of the cashier’s politeness.

“May I have your name?” smiling once more as he waited with a sharpie in his hand to write Jaebum’s name on the cup for his coffee.

“Jaebum,” he said, watching as his name was written down and his order was rung up in the system.

“Your total is $8.53,” the man said, holding out his hand while Jaebum began to take out his credit card.

Unbeknownst to Jaebum and the cashier, the barista who was off towards the right side of the shop had his eyes set on Jaebum. From the moment Jaebum walked into the café and made his order, the gaze of two brown eyes lingered on him.

 

 

Jinyoung was in complete shock. The man whom he had served just a few days ago and regretted not getting the number of was standing only a few feet away from him, breathing the same air as him once again. He was so caught up in staring at the way Jaebum’s hair was pushed off his forehead and to the back that he almost forgot the drink he was supposed to be making for the customer that ordered before Jaebum.

After handing over the drink to the waiting customer, Jinyoung made his way to Mark to take the cup that had Jaebum’s order written on it. He didn’t need to look though. As much as he was watching, he was also listening attentively to every word that poured out of Jaebum’s mouth. Since his attention was so focused on him, he was unaware of how the cashier had picked up on his obvious interest in Jaebum. Jinyoung made his way back over to make his drink, but not before stealing one last glance at him before Jaebum began to make his way over to the pick-up counter. Jinyoung was grateful that he wasn’t caught because he would have been extremely embarrassed if he were.

 _Jaebum. So that’s his name._ The name played over and over again in his head as he began to prepare Jaebum’s drink, stirring it a bit so the ice could cool the coffee. Jinyoung thought the name was fitting, perfect for Jaebum’s physical traits and what little he gave off about himself. From what he had seen so far, Jaebum seemed to be soft-spoken, but not in the way that made him come across as shy or timid. It was clear in the way he walked that Jaebum was confident in who he was and Jinyoung found that sexy.

There was more that Jinyoung wanted to know about Jaebum. As he began to walk toward where he was waiting, Jinyoung told himself that now would be a good time to make that happen. Jinyoung wasn’t one to believe in destiny like his sisters did. Even his father was a sucker for that kind of stuff. However, the voice at the back of his head was telling him otherwise, that this was exactly what he didn’t want to believe it to be: fate.

 

 

Jaebum stared off through the window into space as he waited for his coffee. For some reason, the server at the restaurant him and Jackson ate at several days ago had popped into his head. The way the waiter’s eyes had crinkled at the sides when he smiled was still fresh in his mind, as if he were seeing the waiter right now. He then began to wonder if he would be seeing that smile again right now if only he had gotten the courage to ask for his number.

Breaking him from his thoughts, Jaebum was brought back to earth when he heard his name and order being called, signaling that it was ready. He turned around to collect his sandwich, cake pop and drink from the server, but the instant shock that filled his body didn’t allow him to move any further when he saw who the server was.

 _It’s…it’s_ him _!_ Jaebum had to blink a few times, not sure if what he was seeing was actually real or not. He couldn’t believe it. The person he had just been thinking about was right up under his nose the entire time. It was almost as if someone were aligning his and the server’s stars to cross paths. Jaebum wasn’t sure if he should be weirded out or grateful for things turning out like this.

Realizing that he still hadn’t collected the food he ordered, Jaebum made his way closer to Jinyoung. He was unsure of how to start a conversation with him, but he definitely knew that he wanted to. His concern was put to rest, however, as Jinyoung took it upon himself to speak first.

“Hello,” giving Jaebum the same smile he had before, the side of his eyes forming into what looked like cat whiskers.

“You’re that waiter from the restaurant, aren’t you? Did you quit to work here?” giving Jinyoung a small smile as he took his food from him. Since he felt like he made himself look stupid as he got caught up in his shock over seeing Jinyoung again, Jaebum decided it was best to play innocent.

“No I still work at the restaurant. This is just my day job,” Jinyoung said as he rinsed a few of the dirty dishes and put them in the wash.

“Cool.”

“It’s nice to see you again.”

“Oh, yea, same here,” Jaebum said while taking a sip of his coffee.

The two stood there in awkward silence as neither one of them said anything else, though a million thoughts of what to say were running through their heads. Jaebum shuffled on his feet, unsure of what to do next. _Should I ask him for his name? His number maybe_? Jaebum so badly wanted to say something, anything, but his mouth just wouldn’t let him. Seeing as he wasn’t making any progress and his courage was once again no where to be found, Jaebum decided to just end it here and leave.

“Well, I have to get going. Um, see you around?” Jaebum mentally slapped himself at his poor choice of words, cheeks turning slightly pink as embarrassment began to wash over him.

“Y-Yea, sure. See you around,” Jinyoung’s smile faltering slightly, but still there nonetheless.

Giving a slight nod of his head, Jaebum turned on his heel and practically ran out the café. He was almost at the end of the block when he stopped, allowing himself to take in what just happened. He felt so _stupid_. The man who he so clearly felt very attracted to had finally shown up again after he thought he would never see him again and he choked. Jaebum threw his head back, closed his eyes and groaned loudly, mentally reprimanding himself.

That’s when a light bulb went off. The talk he had with himself earlier suddenly came back to him and Jaebum knew that he had to do something. If he wanted to find happiness he was going to have to put in the effort to make that happen. Taking a deep breath, Jaebum turned around and began to make his way back to the café, repeating a mantra in his head as he knew he was about to take a leap of faith.

_30 seconds of courage, Jaebum. 30 seconds of courage…_

 

 

“Jinyoung, what was that?”

Jinyoung turned around to see his co-worker and best friend, Mark, standing closely behind him, noses almost touching as they now stood face to face.

“What? What was what?”

“You know what I’m talking about. Why didn’t you ask him for his name at least? I mean, you knew from his order, but still, it's something.” Mark folded his arms as he waited for him to answer.

Jinyoung simply sighed and rubbed his forehead. He knew Mark was right. He should have spoken up when he gotten the chance. Now he was left feeling stupid again. Jaebum knew where to find him now, but he didn’t know where to find Jaebum. There was no telling if he’d ever see Jaebum again.

“I know Mark, but I just…I just froze,” leaning against the counter as he looked in the direction Jaebum had left.

“Okay, well, are you interested in him?”

“Mark…” Jinyoung sighed loudly, not wanting to have this conversation at the moment.

“No Jinyoung, seriously,” Mark said, not taking his eyes off Jinyoung until he got an answer.

Seeing that Mark wasn’t going to let things go, like always, Jinyoung gave in. “Yes. I’m interested in him.”

“Then go after him before he gets too far.”

And he was right. Jinyoung’s face lit up at the possibility of catching Jaebum before he had gotten too far from the café.

“Thank you Mark,” giving him a hug to show him that he was grateful for the push he clearly needed.

"Of course Jinyoung. Now go! I’ll watch the shop,” he said, pushing Jinyoung out from behind the counter and toward the door.

Taking off his apron, Jinyoung sprinted out the café and down the block in the direction he saw Jaebum leave, hoping that he wasn’t too late.

 

 

Jaebum and Jinyoung almost ran into each other with how fast they were moving. At first they both showed signs of surprise, but that quickly turned into relief as they realized that they both had the same idea in mind. This time, Jaebum was going to make the first move. He told himself that he knew a sign when he saw one, and well, now that sign was standing right in front of him.

“I guess I should start off by introducing myself properly. Hi, I’m Jaebum,” he said as he smiled brightly, his eyes almost being lost behind his eyelid’s as they turned into two slits by how big his smile was.

“I’m Jinyoung,” Jinyoung said, smiling in return.

“If it’s alright, I would like to see you again. Preferably outside of work…”

The two laughed at Jaebum’s subtle joke. The conversation was moving along more smoothly now that both of them had found their confidence.

“Yes, of course. I’d like that,” Jinyoung said as he began to take out his phone, Jaebum following in his footsteps.

They exchanged phones and entered one another’s contact info, handing their phones back when they were finished. Once again, the two stood a while just smiling at each other. Neither one of them believing what was happening, but grateful that it was. Realizing that they both had things to get back to, Jinyoung decided to break the silence.

“I have to get back to work now,” laughing slightly at Jaebum apologizing for keeping him so long even though only five minutes had passed.

“Oh right, sorry!” Jaebum shouted as he watched Jinyoung walk backwards toward the café.

“I look forward to hearing from you!”

“Soon!” Jaebum laughed slightly, loving how great the situation turned out.

Giving Jaebum one last smile, Jinyoung turned back around and jogged the rest of the way back to the café. Before making his way back to Jackson’s, Jaebum took out his phone and unlocked it, staring at the digits making up Jinyoung’s number.

_Jinyoung…his name is Jinyoung…_

 

 

Jaebum had just finished eating and now he was showering. Today was the happiest he had been in a long time; the leap of faith he took turned out in his favor. He couldn’t have asked for anything else. Usually Jaebum wasn’t one to talk in a gossip fashion, nor was he really one for gossip in general. However, he couldn’t wait to tell Jackson what happened. He knew his friend was rooting for him since the time they were at the restaurant so he had no reason to worry that Jackson wouldn’t be just as happy as he was.

Getting out the shower, Jaebum ran back into the bedroom and put his clothes on as quickly as he could, not even bothering to dry his hair as the strands dripped with water in his face. He made his way down the hall to Jackson’s room and knocked, walking in when he heard a soft ‘come in’ on the other side.

“Jackson you’ll never believe what the fuck happened to me today,” pacing back and forth and jumping on the balls of his feet, clearly excited for what he was about to reveal.

“Oh my god, what is it? Did you win the lottery? Are we rich?!” Jackson came running to Jaebum, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him to get his answer.

“No Jackson,” laughing at the way Jackson’s face had fallen at the news. “Remember that waiter from the restaurant?”

“Yes! Wait, are you saying…” instantly perking up as the image of Jinyoung’s face popped into his head.

“I ran into him today. He works at the café I went to get lunch from earlier.”

“Well? What else happened?” Jackson moved closer to Jaebum, already suspecting what he was going to say next.

“We exchanged numbers.”

Jackson let out a high-pitched squeal as he threw his arms around Jaebum and jumped up and down. Allowing himself to be swallowed in his own happiness, Jaebum joined Jackson, laughing hard and whole-heartedly more than he had in what felt like forever. The two let go and made their way over to Jackson’s bed, Jaebum telling him in full detail what exactly went down.

“Wow Jaebum, that sounds like a scene from a movie,” Jackson said, pulling his knees up to his chest, placing his chin in between them.

“I know right…I wonder when I should text him. Maybe I’ll ask him to hang out next week,” Jaebum said as he laid down on Jackson’s bed, sighing happily as his conversation with Jinyoung replayed in his head.

Upon hearing Jaebum’s plans for the future with Jinyoung, Jackson immediately felt bad, knowing that what he was about to remind Jaebum of would be a huge rain on his parade.

“Um, Jaebum, I think you’re forgetting something,” chewing on the inside of his cheek as Jaebum looked up at him, confusion written all over his face.

“What are you talking about Jackson?”

“Tomorrow’s Friday, Jaebum. We’re going back to school.”

Jaebum shot up so fast he had to grab his head, the room moving a little too much for his liking. He closed his eyes and screamed, throwing his body back onto the bed.

“Well shit, why didn’t you say something earlier Jackson!”

“We were happy and in the moment! I wasn’t thinking about it, I’m sorry!” Jackson said, genuinely feeling bad.

Jaebum couldn’t believe he had forgotten that he was leaving to go back to school tomorrow. His day was going so well and now it was ruined. Jaebum opened his eyes, sighing deeply as he sat up once more and stared at the floor.

“Shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed this chapter! as always, please leave comments and thank you for reading! :)


	4. Chapter 4

Two weeks later, now into the middle of September and Jaebum still had not texted Jinyoung. He wanted to every day, but instead he would end up staring at his phone, wishing he were receiving a text from Jinyoung in response to the one he should have sent. Which is exactly what he was doing now.

Jaebum rolled over onto his back; his full size bed was decorated with four pillows covered in dark grey sheets and a big, black comforter, spread out all around him as if it were his aura as it matched the dark mood he was in. Letting out a deep sigh, he turned his head to the right and starred at his phone. He reached out for it but never made contact with it, internally begging the small device to send a text to Jinyoung itself without him physically having to instead. He reached out half-heartedly one last time before finally picking up the phone, pressing the home button and starring at the screen until it went black. Even the photo of Nora that would show each time he pressed the power button wasn’t able to put a smile on his face like it usually would.

He was being stupid. He knew he was being stupid. He also knew that he had probably let Jinyoung down and hurt his feelings, but what was he supposed to do? Jaebum was back in college and after graduation he had plans to never return back to his hometown. He told himself before that he was going to do what he had to to make it out and in the short time he had been back to school, he did just that. Thanks to the film festivals hosted by his school that Jaebum participated in every spring semester, the films he submitted for each competition, which he thought were mediocre—despite continuing on with his participation—actually paid off. Within the first week he’d been back to school, Jaebum was emailed with three job offerings; one of them was from a company he had been eyeing since he finalized his major sophomore year. Being aware that Jaebum was still a senior, this company also offered him housing for the first five months he would be working for them, allowing him to save up enough money so he would soon be able to provide for himself. His career was set and after all he had been through, Jaebum was determined to not let this opportunity slip through his fingers. Still, this didn’t mean he couldn’t have some fun. Even Jackson had told him this and he knew his friend was right, but in the end, Jaebum still refused to make a move.

As of right now, all Jaebum wanted to do was lay in his bed all day so he could sleep and sulk, but it was Wednesday and he had class in an hour. Dragging himself out of bed, Jaebum made his way to the bathroom so he could start his day. After taking off his briefs and slippers, he stepped into the shower and turned on the water to as hot as his body could handle. Standing directly under the showerhead, Jaebum let the water cascade down his body, first pounding down onto his head then rolling down the rest of his body in trails: from his neck, down to his broad shoulders and back then finally down the curve of his ass and onto the floor of the bathtub. The warmth of the water relaxed his muscles a bit which were tight due to the stress he had put on himself, sending a nice shiver down his spine to which he sighed in pleasure to. For once in the past two weeks Jaebum’s mind wasn’t occupied with thoughts of what he should do about his situation with Jinyoung. He was purely focused on the water and how much it relaxed him, something he so desperately needed. Unfortunately, though, he couldn’t stay like this forever. Opening his eyes, Jaebum reached for his wash cloth and soap and lathered up his body, washing away the calmness that took over his body and put his mind in a dream-like state to reel himself back to reality.

 

 

Jaebum was finding it hard to focus and it was beyond frustrating. This was one of the required classes for his major and it was only offered every other fall. Regardless of it still being early into the fall semester, it was a 400-level course and Jaebum needed to focus and take note of every bit of information the professor provided through her lecture.

Checking the time on his watch, he saw that there was still thirty minutes left before the class ended. Deciding that now was the best time, Jaebum rose from his seat, made his way out of the room and down the hall to the vending machine. _Maybe a drink will wake me up,_ he thought as he swiped his debit card and punched in the code for a bottle of water.

He drank the water during his walk back to the classroom and each ice-cold gulp hit his chest and settled in his stomach with such freshness that Jaebum actually thought he would be able to focus now with how much more awake he was feeling. This lasted about fifteen minutes before his mind was lingering with thoughts of Jinyoung again and whether now would be a good time to text him or not.

Seeing how much he was fidgeting with his phone, BamBam, one of Jaebum’s close friends that he met during his freshman year of college, leaned over and snatched Jaebum’s phone right out of his hand. Due to their surroundings, Jaebum couldn’t yell at the younger boy like he wanted. While this probably should have frustrated him further, it was the smirk BamBam was giving him in response to knowing that he couldn’t do much about his phone being snatched that really got under his skin.

“What’s the matter JB? Got a booty call you’re eager to get to?” BamBam asked, chuckling as he watched Jaebum’s ears turn red from his smart remark and gave him back his phone.

“Fuck off Bam,” checking his laptop instead for a message he knew deep down would never show up in his notifications list once he got his phone back from his friend.

“Okay, okay, calm down. Seriously though, what’s up? It’s obvious that your mind has been somewhere else.”

Despite their efforts to whisper, their professor had caught onto their side conversation and shot them both dirty looks, mouthing ‘sorry’ in return. When the professor finally looked away and continued on with the lecture, Jaebum informed BamBam that he would update him after class and put his phone in his bag, not wanting to get into more trouble with the professor and to hopefully put his focus into the course material.

 

 

“You’re being dumb.”

“Yes Bam, I can see that,” Jaebum said as him and BamBam made their way out of their class’s lecture hall.

“Then text him. Sending a late text is better than not sending one at all. At least you’ll be able to explain yourself,” BamBam said, nudging his friend in the side as he saw how he was once again getting wrapped up in his thoughts.

Jaebum came to a stop in front of the glass doors of the building he exited from almost every day. He stared out and watched as students from all grade levels ranging from freshman, sophomore, junior and senior either hurried their way to class or walked at a normal pace, probably on their way home, to meet up with their friends, eat lunch, etc.

Taking a deep breath, he looked over at BamBam and quietly stared at him. In response, BamBam cocked his head to the left and raised his eyebrow, the gestures sending a silent message that said, _Well? Are you going to do it?_ Smiling at his friend, Jaebum placed his hand on BamBam’s shoulder and gave it a soft squeeze which was returned with a smile equal to his own.

“I’m not texting him,” Jaebum said, beginning to walk away and laughing as he heard BamBam huff in the background.

“Your loss. Don’t complain when you start feeling lonely!” BamBam yelled, rolling his eyes as he watched Jaebum walk in the direction of his apartment.

 

 

“I don’t get it. He said he was going to text me so why hasn’t he?” Jinyoung quietly said to himself as he focused more on his phone screen than the breakfast sitting in front of him.

Mark came walking in with a box labeled “kitchen”, setting it down as he arrived in the region matching the label on the box. He looked over at his friend and simply shook his head. He knew how much Jinyoung was looking forward to this. It was clear by the way he stared at Jaebum that time in the café that he was definitely interested. However, he also knew that Jinyoung was being naïve and had put his eggs all in one basket before being sure of anything. It was something Jinyoung always did: got his hopes up way too high just to be left hurting in the end. Mark thought that after being in this situation so many times in the past Jinyoung would have learned something, but unfortunately he was wrong, guessing that maybe he was getting his hopes up too and being as naïve as his best friend.

Mark sat down in front of Jinyoung and took his phone out of his hand, holding up a finger to silence Jinyoung from protesting. “You did this to yourself you know,” chuckling as he watched Jinyoung’s face change from a look of offense to shame.

“Yea, but-” Jinyoung shrugged his shoulders and put his head in his hands, “I just thought that this time would be different. That run-in at the café was not a coincidence!”

“Clearly. Yet he hasn’t texted you.”

“I know that Mark you don’t need to remind me,” snapping at his best friend as a result of his emotions getting the best of him. He looked up at Mark and gave him an apologetic look which wasn’t actually needed because Mark obviously knew that Jinyoung wasn’t the one he was mad at and frustrated with.

“I’m sorry he hasn’t texted you, Jinyoung. All this means though is that someone truly worth your time will come along. Just wait,” Mark said as he got up and gave his friend a hug.

“I hate how right you always are,” Jinyoung said in Mark’s shoulder as he hugged his friend back.

Both boys pulled back and began walking toward the living room to watch a movie since both of them were free for the day. Jinyoung was grateful because he knew that he needed to get his mind off of Jaebum and snap back to reality. He didn’t have much to move on from considering him and Jaebum had only gotten to the stage of exchanging contact information, but that’s exactly what he felt like he had to do.

Just as the two got settled in the living room, Mark’s phone began to ring. He excused himself and walked back into the kitchen, answering once he was a good distance away from the noise of the television.

“You just couldn’t wait for me to call you first, could you?”

“I’m sorry I just couldn’t wait any longer! I miss you. Am I not allowed to miss my boyfriend?” Jackson’s voice came through the phone, a hint of playfulness in his voice that Mark loved so much.

“I missed you too, Jackson. I can’t wait to see you. You’re still bringing your friend, right?” Mark said, biting his lip as he waited for Jackson to answer.

“Yes of course! Why? Are you more interested in him now?”

“Jia Er, no other man will ever take your place, and if you’re still feeling unsure about that tomorrow, I will be more than happy to show you exactly where you stand in my life,” Mark purred, internally rewarding himself as he knew what saying Jackson’s Chinese name did to him, the small gasp serving as a confirmation.

“Is that a promise?” Jackson said, voice raspy as his mind became occupied with thoughts of all of the positions Mark would have him in tomorrow night.

“As always,” Mark said, clearing his voice to get back to the topic they were discussing before they got side-tracked. “I’m just making sure that your friend is still coming so that mine won’t feel like he’s third wheeling. He goes to your school anyways so he can just leave whenever he wants, but I don’t want that to happen so I want to make sure he has a good time with us.”

“He’s coming, don’t worry. It’ll be a great time for all of us.”

“I know it will,” smiling into the phone as his excitement for tomorrow began to rise. “Alright, I have to go. I’ll call you again later tonight so don’t go to bed early like you did last night.”

“I had a long ride okay it’s not my fault!”

“I know baby, I’m glad you’re getting sleep,” Mark said, blowing a kiss into the phone and smiling as he heard Jackson return it with one of his own. “I love you, Jia Er.”

“I love you, Yi En,” both giggling into the phone before hanging up.

Mark made his way back into the living room, shrugging and smiled sheepishly as Jinyoung looked at him with one eyebrow raised, knowing all too well just how whipped his friend was by his, what seemed to be, amazing boyfriend.

Curling up in his favorite spot on the chocolate-colored suede couch as Mark took a seat next to him, Jinyoung turned on the television to their favorite crime show and did the one thing he willed his mind to do: forget Jaebum.

 

 

It was only the third week back to school and even though the week wasn’t officially over yet, Jaebum was already running around due to how busy he was. He had no time to think about anything that wasn’t related to his classes or work; his mother and Jinyoung didn’t come up in his head not even once. He had no time to stop and think and he was grateful for school keeping his mind preoccupied with the things he was supposed to be focused on. He knew that if he had the time to think he’d probably be thinking of Jinyoung all over again, and right now, Jaebum had time to think.

As he looked through his dresser for a top to match the dark denim jeans he currently had on, Jaebum silently wished that the other friend that would be joining them tonight would actually be Jinyoung. Yet he knew that wasn’t going to happen so he let the thought go as quick as it had appeared.

Settling for a simple white t-shirt, Jaebum walked over to his door as he eyed the shoe rack to choose his footwear for the night. Considering that the night was supposed to be casual and that Jackson warned him that at some point they would be walking a lot, Jaebum pulled out his Nike Free Run’s and made his way over to his bed.

It took him no time to finish getting dressed yet he found himself waiting longer than he should have while he watched Jackson struggle with choosing what top to wear for the night.

“Jackson I told you already, just wear the black-”

“But I always wear black! I want to switch it up tonight,” Jackson said as he moved shirts back and forth in his closet, looking but not finding anything that fit the ideal outfit he had in his mind.

Jaebum knew that if he didn’t step in now, him and Jackson wouldn’t get anywhere. Rolling his eyes and mumbling to Jackson “move and just sit, I’ll do it,” Jaebum pushed Jackson toward the bed until he was sitting down and eyed his jeans, shoes, and the way Jackson had styled his hair; it was down. Once he felt he had gotten a good picture of what Jackson looked like, Jaebum turned back around and immediately aimed for the right side of the closet, already knowing what Jackson needed for his outfit to be complete.

“You don’t want to wear black, yet you’re wearing black jeans…” Jaebum said, more to himself as he spoke his thoughts out loud.

“Oh, well, I like black so-” getting cut off as Jaebum turned on his heels and shoved an olive green knit sweater in his face.

“Put this on.”

Jackson just starred at it, not really sure why his friend was trying to get him to wear a sweater when fall hadn’t even begun yet. Still, though tentatively, Jackson took the sweater. Seeing how hesitant Jackson was, clearly unsure with the choice Jaebum made, he gladly explained his decision to his friend, feeling confident in what it may bring Jackson.

“You’re wearing your hair down. You only ever do that when you want to be comfortable,” Jaebum smiled as a look of amusement spread across Jackson’s face, silently grateful for Jaebum’s attentiveness. “And I chose the sweater because it’s actually going to be cool tonight. Otherwise I would have given you a button-down.”

“You’re going to make such a good house-wife,” Jackson said, clasping his hands together and making heart eyes at his friend as if he were Jaebum’s fangirl.

“I’m leaving you,” Jaebum said while walking out of the room calmly just to quickly start laughing as he ran away from Jackson once he heard his footsteps following his own.

 

 

The two talked about upcoming tests and papers as they waited outside the movie theater for Mark and his friend to arrive. Jaebum, surprisingly, was actually very excited. Not only because he will be meeting the man responsible for making his best friend as happy as he’s been lately, but because of the friend who will be accompanying Mark. Jackson informed him on the way that Mark’s friend is also a student at their college and at that news, Jaebum’s interest was peaked immediately. A part of him still wished that he was talking to and dating Jinyoung, the boy who instantly grabbed his attention and wanted to know more about—which could have happened if he had just texted him like he said he would—but he liked the idea of possibly dating someone in a closer proximity to his current location; it just seemed convenient for now.

 _I really should have texted him though_ …Jaebum thought to himself. What got him the most was how hung up he was on not texting Jinyoung. If it were any other person that he decided not to text after saying he would, he wouldn’t have cared. Then again, deep down Jaebum knew that there was _something_ about Jinyoung that set him apart from the rest the moment he laid eyes on him, and if he had done what he had promised to do, he probably would have figured out what that _something_ is by now.

Seeing some slight movement in his left peripheral, Jaebum turned to look at his friend, watching as he kept checking the time on his phone and looked from left to right as he anticipated his boyfriend and his friend. Remembering who he was there for tonight, Jaebum set his personal thoughts and issues to the side to ensure that he’d play a role in making tonight a happy one for his best friend and for himself.

Jaebum reached over and placed a hand on Jackson’s shoulder, hoping that the small gesture served its purpose in relaxing his best friend, which it did. Jackson’s shoulders were extremely tense, clearly from how nervous he was to have his best friend finally meet his boyfriend and vice versa. However, they immediately relaxed when Jaebum’s comforting gesture made contact with him.

“Am I that bad right now?” Jackson asked, a crooked smile playing on his lips.

“You’re thinking too much, that much is true, but for the occasion it’s understandable,” Jaebum said, voice as calm as possible so that Jackson remained as calm as he could be. “You have nothing to worry about, Jackson. You love him, so that means something, right?”

Before Jackson could respond a deep voice called out his name, one that not only Jackson realized, but one that sounded very familiar to Jaebum as well.

“Mark, you made it!” Jackson yelled, running into the warm embrace of his boyfriend as he greeted him with short, sweet pecks all over his face.

While the two love birds were engulfed in the bubble surrounding them that was full of the puppy love they had for one another, Jaebum was busy staring wide-eyed with his mouth agape at the friend Mark had brought along; his friend mirrored Jaebum perfectly, almost as if the two were twin siblings.

“Jinyoung?”

“Jaebum?” Jinyoung and Mark said; Mark snapped back to reality once he heard another voice speak the name of his best friend, especially when he expected to be the only one to know Jinyoung until everyone was introduced.

“I’m clearly missing something here,” Jackson said, looking as confused and lost as he felt. Quickly remembering the name that Jaebum had spoken, Jinyoung’s face and the memory of him as their waiter resurfaced. “Wait, Jinyoung? You were our waiter!”

“Hold on, everyone here basically knows each other then?” Mark said, laughing a bit to himself as he thought of how ridiculous the situation had turned out.

“Jinyoung was our waiter at this restaurant we went to one day.”

“He’s also the barista at the café I happened to stop by,” Jaebum whispered, eyes locked on Jinyoung’s as neither of them looked away.

“So let’s get this straightened out,” Jackson held up his hands and closed his eyes, focusing on what he was about to say next. “Jaebum and I know Jinyoung because of the restaurant and Mark is Jinyoung’s best friend as well as my boyfriend.

“Okay, but, how does that explain how Mark and Jaebum know each other?”

“I’m the cashier at the café Jinyoung works at. We’re also co-workers,” Mark explained.

“This is amazing. Here I was worried that you two might not get along, but fate worked itself out!” Jackson said, beaming at his best friend, but expression turning worried upon seeing the look on Jinyoung’s face. “Is something wrong?”

“Nope, we’re fine,” Jinyoung said, giving Jaebum a tight smile, but giving Jackson a bright one when he turned to look at him.

In that moment, it dawned on him. Jaebum’s inability to come to a decision and keep his word had finally come back to bite him in the ass. Jinyoung was mad at him for not texting him and seeing him now probably pissed him off even more; Jackson knew as much as Jaebum that he deserved it.

Jaebum stepped forward, reaching his hand out but was immediately rejected, left standing by himself as Jinyoung turned sharply on his heel and began walking toward the movie theater. Interlocking his arm with Mark’s, Jackson looked back at Jaebum, the two sharing a knowing look that Jaebum needed to fix the situation and fix it fast.

 _But how? It’s obvious he doesn’t want to talk to me. Can I really blame him though?_ Jaebum thought to himself as he dragged his feet in the direction of his best friend, Mark, and an angry Jinyoung.

 

 

“I still can’t believe the girlfriend was in on it the whole time! How could she?” Jackson said, throwing his hands up in disbelief as he and the others discussed scenes from the movie they just saw.

“What? It was obvious since the beginning. Even the trailers gave that away,” Jinyoung replied, only to get into a debate about what aspects of the movie were obvious and which ones weren’t.

“I agree with Jinyoung, it was quite obvious the girlfriend was in on it.”

It was clear what Jaebum was trying to do: agree with Jinyoung in the midst of a heated discussion in hopes that he’d be so distracted that he’d welcome anyone who was on his side. Unfortunately, his plan didn’t work out. Instead, Jinyoung got quiet, ending the conversation with a “hmph” and slowing down so that he could walk in the back by himself.

Accepting his defeat, Jaebum’s shoulders slouched as he emotionally felt ready to throw in the towel and call it a night. Being the best friend that he is, Jackson caught on to Jaebum’s sudden change in mood and swung his arm around his shoulders.

“How about we get some pizza, hm?” Jackson said, smiling up at his best friend. “We’re pretty close to that place you like too. Let’s go there.”

Jaebum simply nodded in agreement and moved to walk ahead of everyone so that he could have space to himself and avoid the obvious tension that had been building between him and Jinyoung all night; Mark and Jackson walked hand in hand between them.

“Mark, I’m worried. Neither of them are having as good of a time as we are,” Jackson said, watching his best friend sulk in front of him, a feeling of concern weighing on his heart.

“Jinyoung may seem like the type to be mad for long periods of time, but he isn’t, trust me,” Mark squeezed Jackson’s hand and pulled him closer, comforting his boyfriend as he saw how Jaebum’s current state was taking a toll on his mood. “It’ll get better before the night is over. Promise not to worry too much, for me?”

Jackson looked over at Mark, thinking of how much he loved the taller and older boy next to him and was grateful to have him present when he needed to be reassured during times when he wasn’t so sure, much like now.

Pulling their hands up, Jackson gave Mark’s hand a kiss, lips lingering longer than usual to make sure that Mark got the message that he was grateful for having him in his life.

 

 

The atmosphere was even more awkward and tense now. Back at the movie theater, Jinyoung sat to the right of Mark, Jackson on Mark’s left and Jaebum on Jackson’s left. Now, however, since the boys were seated in a booth, Jaebum and Jinyoung were forced to sit together; Jackson and Mark plotted silently to each other beforehand, planning to make the two sit on the same side of the booth. Eying their friends closely, Mark watched Jinyoung focus his eyes on the busyness of the city while Jackson watched Jaebum go back and forth between fiddling with his napkin and pretending like he was interested in the photos on the wall. Mark was the first to break the silence, figuring it was time for some positive light to be shed on the gloomy atmosphere surrounding them all.

“So, I have some news to share with you all. Well, Jackson, really,” turning to Jackson and clearing his throat before shocking his boyfriend with what he knew he was about to tell him. “I transferred.”

The reaction he got was not one he nor anyone else at the table had expected from Jackson. Even Jaebum understood the implications of Mark’s words. Jackson just sat there, looking confused as he clearly didn’t understand what Mark had meant by the news he just shared, automatically thinking of the worse.

“You transferred? Our schools are already far from each other, Mark. Are you saying you’re even further now?”

“Jackson, what? No,” Mark shook his head, laughing at the ridiculous conclusion his boyfriend had come to. “I transferred here to your college and I’m living with Jinyoung.”

“Oh my God, Yi En, that’s amazing!” Jackson said, nearly jumping into Mark’s lap as he wrapped his arms tightly around his boyfriend’s neck. He pulled away and smiled at everyone, unable to control his excitement. “This is so great. It’ll be so much easier for us to be together, and we can all hang out!”

For the first time tonight, Jinyoung openly agreed with Jaebum on something. He saw how happy his friend and his boyfriend were, and he was starting to feel that he was dragging his anger out a bit too much. Along with that, Jinyoung was just getting tired of ignoring Jaebum. He was still upset at not being texted of course, but he knew that tonight could determine if they would actually get somewhere, and he wanted to get somewhere with Jaebum. Considering how obviously upset Jaebum had been all night as a result of Jinyoung’s anger toward him and being ignored, Jinyoung took this as a sign that Jaebum clearly wanted something to happen with him, whatever it may be. He turned toward Jaebum and sensing his movement, Jaebum turned toward him; the two sat there starring at one another, not saying anything as both weren’t sure of where to start.

“Good evening. My name is Youngjae and I’ll be your- Jaebum? Is that you?”

Breaking eye contact with Jinyoung, Jaebum turned around to see another one of his long-time friends standing over him. Seeing Youngjae brought on a wave of relief Jaebum didn’t realize he needed, the stress he was feeling all night suddenly being lifted from his soldiers.

“Youngjae, I didn’t know you worked here,” he said while smiling up at his friend.

“I started a day after the semester started. Needed some extra cash, you know?” Youngjae said, smiling back widely at the friend he missed a little more than he wanted to.

“Better than you may think. Oh, let me introduce you to my friends,” turning to Jackson and Mark first, Jaebum introduced them. “And this is Jinyoung, Mark’s friend.”

“Oh, just friends? I thought you guys were on a double date as boyfriends,” Youngjae replied, a hint of disappointment in his voice as he cast his eyes downward.

“Boyfriends, yea right,” Jinyoung snorted, keeping his head turned to avoid the look of embarrassment he knew Jaebum was wearing. A part of him felt bad especially since he just told himself he was going to lighten up on Jaebum for the remainder of the night. However, when Youngjae arrived and he saw the way he looked at Jaebum, it struck a nerve and so he was back to having an attitude.

“Yea Youngjae, Jinyoung and I are just friends,” smiling tightly as Jaebum equally avoided looking in Jinyoung’s direction.

“Are you sure about that?” Jinyoung said, more as a thought he accidentally spoke out loud, but he was still glad that Jaebum heard it; the long sigh that came from Jaebum served as a confirmation. Mark and Jackson remained quiet as they sat on the other side, exchanging side glances as they watched the scene in front of them.

Any news of Jaebum not dating was good enough for Youngjae and that’s all he could focus on now. “So, should I start off with drinks? What would you like Jaebum?” Youngjae said, smiling widely with wide eyes to match as he starred at Jaebum like he was the most beautiful person he had ever laid eyes on.

“Um, so are they just going to act like we aren’t still here?” Jackson asked Mark, his boyfriend laughing in response and shrugging his shoulders. He had been asking himself the same question just a few seconds ago.

 

 

Their night together was coming to an end as the four boys walked out the restaurant and toward campus. Jackson and Mark walked ahead of the other two, indirectly forcing the two to be together in hopes that the air between them would change before parting ways for the night. Jaebum felt the same as well. He messed up and Jinyoung had every right to make sure that he was aware of it. However, now that he knew that him and Jinyoung had a chance of being together without distance being an issue, he wanted to work things out.

“Jinyoung, hey, can we talk?” Jaebum stepped slightly in front of Jinyoung, knowing that if he opted to reach for him the younger boy would just pull away.

“About?”

“Jinyoung, seriously,” Jaebum pleaded, running a hand through his black strands as he felt his frustration begin to build up.

Jinyoung turned sharply on his heel, eyes squinted and lips tight. “Your message was clear when you decided not to text me, Jaebum. So yea, what exactly is there to talk about?” Jinyoung said, turning back around to continue walking, not allowing Jaebum to give his answer.

“Jinyoung I’m sorry, okay? I should have texted you I know that-”

“So why didn’t you? Why lead me on and pretend like you were so interested?” Jinyoung demanded, turning back around quicker than Jaebum was expecting, causing them to almost bump into each other.

“Pretend? Is that what you think-” Jaebum let out a loud sigh, getting more frustrated by how the situation was turning out. “I like you, Jinyoung, I really do. I just didn’t know how to text you when I realized how far away we would be.

“I knew I had fucked up, but seeing you now really confirms how wrong I was. I should have texted you, regardless,” Jaebum took a step forward and hesitantly reached for Jinyoung’s hand, holding it tightly when Jinyoung didn’t pull away. “Now that you’re here I would really like to make it up to you, if you’d let me, of course…”

Jinyoung stared at Jaebum in the eyes intently, trying to see if he could whiff out any bullshit from Jaebum’s confession. However, he saw the sincerity and so he gave in, knowing that he too wanted to give it a try.

“Alright, I’ll give you another chance.”

Not giving Jaebum the chance to answer like he did many times tonight, Jinyoung bumped his shoulder slightly and walked away with a smile on his face, leaving Jaebum to stand on his own.

Jaebum watched Jinyoung’s back as he walked ahead and caught up with Jackson and Mark, cutting in between the two love birds as he weaved both his arms through theirs and sparked up a conversation. Shaking his head to keep his mind from being buried by the whirlwind of thoughts flying through his head, Jaebum jogged up to the rest of the group and weaved his arm through Jackson’s free one; Jaebum and Jinyoung shared a smile and a knowing look as both anticipated what would come next for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it took me so long to update! I'm back in school now so I've been extremely busy. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and like always, leave kudos and comments. Thank you! :)


	5. Chapter 5

There was so much excitement in his body that Jaebum woke up before his alarm. Turning over to reach toward his nightstand, Jaebum picked up his phone and unlocked it. Usually, the first thing Jaebum did after waking up was check his emails. However, this morning, he had another agenda. He went to his contact book, clicked on Jinyoung’s name and the “text” option. Yet, when the blank message template showed up, he paused. _What should I say? A simple ‘Good morning’ should be good, right?_ For a second he almost got up to ask for Jackson’s advice, but he opted to send the first thing that came to his mind anyways. He didn’t want to risk not texting Jinyoung again, especially when he promised for a _second_ time that he would text him.

**Jaebum:**

_Good morning :)_

A wave of relief washed over Jaebum as he looked at the text he sent to Jinyoung. It was simple, but it symbolized the start to something new. Something fresh and different. Something that could potentially bring…happiness, and that was something Jaebum wanted and needed very badly. He knew that this was new and early into the game so his hopes weren’t too high. However, Jaebum would be lying if he said he wasn’t excited. He barely knew Jinyoung, but he was delighted that this adventure in his love life was happening with the young man he once made heart eyes at at the restaurant, and then again at the café.

A few minutes had passed and Jinyoung still hadn’t answered. Figuring that he was probably still asleep and not wanting to lay in bed staring at his phone and wait for Jinyoung to text back, Jaebum got out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. He didn’t have any classes on Friday’s, but he was feeling extra awake today because he knew he had a lot to look forward to.

Jaebum walked back into his bedroom, towel on top of his wet hair while he brushed his teeth. He was walking toward his closet, but stopped when he heard the vibrating tone set specifically for his messages and immediately ran over to his nightstand. He picked up his phone and stared at it for what was probably more than five minutes, amazed that the name showing on his screen displayed “Jinyoung.” Heart racing, Jaebum slide the notification to the right and punched in the code to unlock his phone.

Jaebum stared at his phone, mouth agape as his toothbrush hung out from the side. _Am I reading this correctly?_ That was all Jaebum could think as he read Jinyoung’s text over and over again, the message reading, “Who is this?” in all black letters. So many thoughts were running through his mind while simultaneously feeling multiple emotions course through his body. Had Jinyoung really asked who was texting him? Jaebum couldn’t believe it. He was in shock and he was hurt, but most of all, he was pissed. Jaebum began pacing back and forth as he had a hard time processing the text.

“He practically fucking _hounded_ me about not texting him just to not have my number sav-” Before getting any further in his rant, Jaebum’s phone buzzed once again.

**Jinyoung:**

_Haha, just kidding! Good morning, Jaebum ;)_

Jaebum stood there and once again, stared at his phone, mouth and eyes wide open. This time though, Jaebum broke out in laughter, swinging his head back and thinking how gullible he is. Needing to rinse his mouth first, Jaebum put his phone down and finished his bathroom duties. Jaebum came back into the room, put on a fresh pair of sweat pants and a black t-shirt, grabbed his phone and laid in his bed, snuggling under the covers until even his head was covered.

**Jaebum:**

_I must admit, you almost had me there_

**Jinyoung:**

_Did my text scare you?_

**Jaebum:**

_Definitely had my heart racing haha_

**Jinyoung:**

_Good. I want it to always do that for me ;)_

Jaebum couldn’t remember the last time he had felt like this: on cloud nine. He was rolling back and forth in his bed, kicking the sheets as he made squealing noises as a huge smile made its way onto his face. It was obvious Jaebum had a crush, and he couldn’t stop blushing knowing that his crush obviously liked him back.

**Jinyoung:**

_As much as I’d love to continue this conversation right now, I have to get to class. Text you later!_

Jaebum was glad that Jinyoung made it clear that they would definitely be talking more, but he didn’t want to just talk. Now that he knew that him and Jinyoung go to the same college, he wanted to see and hang out with him too.

**Jaebum:**

_Jinyoung_

_Wait_

_When are you done with your classes?_

**Jinyoung:**

_At 3, why?_

He didn’t know it, of course, but Jinyoung was just as nervous as he was about the direction their conversation was going. Jaebum’s next text, however, made him feel like he was about to shit himself by how embarrassed he felt; he felt the move he just made was a bold one. Jinyoung, on the other hand, was loving it.

**Jaebum:**

_Wanna grab lunch?_

Only a minute had passed, but it felt like hours as Jaebum watched the text bubble with the three dots repeatedly appear and disappear. He was fearing that he had moved too soon and that Jinyoung was going to shoot him down. Before he could bury his head under his pillow though, his phone buzzed, notifying him of Jinyoung’s response. _You’re being a punk. If he’s not able to join you, suck it up. There will be other days_. Indeed, Jaebum didn’t need to worry much.

**Jinyoung:**

_Meet me outside the library :)_

**Jaebum:**

_Cool, see you then!_

Just like that, Jaebum and Jinyoung were going to have their first date. It was nothing extraordinary, but it was still a date nonetheless. Most Fridays Jaebum spent his time at the film studio either editing videos or processing the photos he would take on his film cameras and occasionally on his DSLR. No matter how routine and repetitive it was, he never got tired of it. However, because he had different plans for today, Jaebum decided it wouldn’t hurt to take the earlier part of the day for himself, finally giving him a chance to catch up on his favorite shows.

After making a cup of cold strawberry milk, Jaebum got comfortable in his bed and under his blanket again, resting against the headboard as a pillow supported his lower back. He cuddled up with Nora as she jumped up onto the bed and curled up next to him, both enjoying each other’s warmth and company as the opening credits began to play on the television screen.

 

 

 

 

Just as Jinyoung instructed, Jaebum waited outside the library for him. He knew that they had planned to me at three, but he arrived thirty minutes early. Even though he had time to kill and could have wondered around campus for a bit or talk to his friends who worked at the library, he still chose to wait for Jinyoung, in case he got out of class early. As he sat there, he began to wonder how their lunch date would turn out: where they would end up eating, how long they would be out together, whether or not they’d plan another date—a bunch of thoughts filled his head. Jaebum was so wrapped up in all of the things he was imagining that he didn’t even notice that the full thirty minutes had passed until the school bells began to ring, signifying that it was now three o’clock. He looked up to start looking around for Jinyoung as students began to fill the college quad, running either to their next class or into the library to snatch a good study spot. Jaebum didn’t need to do much searching in the large crowds as his eyes quickly fell upon Jinyoung.

The moment his eyes made direct contact with Jinyoung’s, it was like everything and everyone else slowed down, even the younger man walking toward him. Jaebum watched Jinyoung as he got closer and closely eyed him. He started from his shoes and made his way up, pausing to watch the muscles in Jinyoung’s thighs. It was a pretty warm day and Jinyoung was in shorts; Jaebum sent up a silent prayer for Jinyoung’s choice of bottoms. Continuing his eyeing, Jaebum’s eyes fell upon Jinyoung’s arms which were mostly bare due to him wearing a short-sleeved navy blue t-shirt. Lastly, Jaebum paused once again as he watched Jinyoung first lick, then bite, his lips, which ended up in the form of a smirk. Clearly Jinyoung knew that he was being watched, but Jaebum didn’t care. Jinyoung looked good and as long as he was permitted, Jaebum was going to worship the beautiful man in front of him. He was so deep into his gazing that he didn’t even realize that Jinyoung was now standing in front of him.

“See something you like?” Jinyoung said, smiling down at Jaebum as he snapped back to reality and got himself together, smiling back at Jinyoung.

“Maybe.”

Jinyoung let out a short chuckle and rolled his eyes. “So, where are you taking me?”

“Allergic to anything?”

“Nope,” Jinyoung said as he walked alongside Jaebum.

“Great. I know just the place for us.”

Jinyoung simply smiled in response—and Jaebum smiled back—as he followed Jaebum to one of the restaurants on the main strip of the town their college was located in. It seemed that the place was a decent walk away from campus, but since the weather was warm today, Jinyoung didn’t mind. However, the walk wasn’t short enough for them to walk comfortably in silence, and they still were getting to know each other so they weren’t at that stage yet. Jaebum seemed to be thinking along the same lines, starting up some small-talk.

“So, how has your day been so far?” Jaebum said while watching out for any coming cars, getting ready to cross the street.

“Well, it _was_ going nicely until this guy came along…”

“Ah, some random guy is bothering you, huh?” Jaebum said, laughing and shaking his head. “What’s he like?”

Jinyoung looked up and put his finger to his chin. “Well, we just met so I don’t really know much, yet.” Getting closer to Jaebum, Jinyoung leaned up and whispered in his ear, “But so far he seems sweet. Oh, his head is really big too.”

“My head is not big! It’s cute…” pouting as Jinyoung laughed at him, eyes crinkling at the sides.

“It is cute. You’re cute.”

“Oh, so now you think I’m cute?” Jaebum smiled and nudged Jinyoung in his side, hitting a tickle spot as the younger man squirmed away while laughing again. “You aren’t too bad yourself, you know.”

“Oh trust me, I _know_ I look good,” Jinyoung said, flipping his hand as if he were throwing his hair over his shoulder, making the both of them laugh once again. Jaebum loved how confident Jinyoung was. He thought it was sexy and in some ways, admirable. He didn’t think badly of himself, but Jaebum had his negative days. He hoped that one day he’d be as confident in himself as Jinyoung was with who he is.

“We’re here.”

Jinyoung thought he had visited all of the restaurants around his college, but clearly, he was wrong. He had never noticed the ramen shop Jaebum had taken them to before. Though, considering how low-key it seemed to be, he understood why. The place was small, obviously made for a few people at a time, but it was still cute and for some reason, it had a home-like feel to it. Each table were two-seaters, making the feel of the restaurant also intimate—Jinyoung understood why Jaebum chose this place now. It was perfect for couples. Or in their case, a possible soon-to-be couple.

The two ended up sitting toward the left side of the restaurant by the windows. The sun’s light shined down on their table, casting shadows on the wooden tables, but not too much to the point it shined in their eyes. The restaurant had their air conditioner on and Jinyoung had almost wished that he had a sweater with him if it weren’t for some of the sun’s light shining down on his arm, providing him with some warmth. Jaebum was definitely enjoying the sun, making animal shadows on the table—which made Jinyoung giggle like a five-year-old—as the two waited to be given their menus. 

After a few minutes the two were given their menus. Jaebum made sure to make it clear that since he asked Jinyoung out, he’d be paying for his meal as well. “I’m not rich so don’t go too crazy, but if you see something you like, get it.” The two placed their orders, getting the exact same ramen bowl, and passed the time by getting to know one another.

“Tell me about yourself, Jinyoung.”

“What would you like to know?”

“Where are you from? How old are you? Major? Interests?” Jaebum took a sip of his water before continuing. “Stuff like that.”

“Well, my family is from Jin-hae which a town with Gyeongsangnam-do.” He paused to take a sip of his drink as well. “We moved to the states when I was five though. Let’s see…what else did you ask?”

“Age, major, interests…”

“Yes, okay, I remember now. I’m currently twenty, but I’ll be twenty-one in two weeks-”

“We have a soon to be birthday-boy, how exciting! Any plans?”

“So far, no.”

“Oh no, we’re going to have to fix that,” Jaebum said as he winked.

Jinyoung started blushing. “Anyways…I’m a Childhood Education major with two tracks in English Literature and Creative Writing. As for my interests, well-” He was cut off as their food arrived, choosing to wait until the waiter left before continuing.

“I like to read and write—mostly poetry—and if I’m not doing either of those, I’m watching my shows.”

“Poetry, huh? I hope I get to hear one of these poems one day,” Jaebum said while also watching Jinyoung’s cheeks get more red and stumble on his words.

“T-They aren’t that good. I still have a lot to improve on.”

“Aw come on, don’t say that. I bet your work is really great.” Jaebum grabbed Jinyoung’s hand and squeezed it. “You’re right though. There’s always room for improvement for _anything_ that you do, but don’t belittle yourself or your work again, okay? Believe in yourself.”

The two sat there staring at each other, paying no mind to how much time was passing by. Both wondered the same thing: how could someone they just met make them want to be more open than they’ve ever been with anyone else? Jaebum had yet to share anything about himself, but he already felt like he couldn’t wait to tell Jinyoung everything about him, even the bad, because for some reason, he felt Jinyoung would be there to listen with an open mind and heart. Jinyoung had his own skeletons too. Even Mark, who was his best-friend, was unaware of them. Yet after all these years of keeping the darkness and negativity in his life hidden, Jinyoung finally felt he could release it all and gain some closure, something he’s needed for a very long time.

Not wanting the food to get cold and feeling it was time to move on from the some-what deep moment, Jinyoung squeezed Jaebum’s hand, whispered an “okay” and got back to his food. However, he didn’t want their conversation to stop entirely.

“Okay, it’s your turn. Tell me about you.”

Jaebum put his chopsticks down so he could properly think and answer the same questions he had asked Jinyoung. “I was born in South Korea as well—Gyeonggi-do to be exact—and my parents moved here when I was still a baby.”

“Oh, you’re a city boy...”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing at all!” Jinyoung said as he played innocent.

Jaebum rolled his eyes and chuckled. “We aren’t all party animals, you know.”

“Yea, I can tell.”

“You get a real kick out of teasing me, don’t you?”

“Your reactions are funny.”

“I’m glad I can make you laugh,” and like Jaebum had hoped, Jinyoung laughed loudly. This time he didn’t cover his mouth, and once again, Jaebum thought Jinyoung had the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.

“Oh?”

Before Jaebum had the time to react, Jinyoung had reached out his hand toward his face, fingers running over the two small moles sitting slightly below his left eyebrow. “How have I never seen these before?” For some reason, Jinyoung was in awe, thinking how rare and cool the two beauty marks were. If this were anyone else, Jaebum would have moved away and asked to not have been touched, even if it were someone he was on a date with. But this was Jinyoung, and with him it was, _different_.

Jinyoung’s eyes met Jaebum’s and slowly, their mouths both turned up into smiles. “Come on, let’s get going.”

 

 

 

 

“Any plans for the rest of the day?

The sun was still high which meant they still had plenty of more to do if they chose to. Then again, they were college students—seniors to be exact. It was crunch time. As much as they wanted to have fun like any other college student, getting school work done on time and maintaining their grades was essential if they wanted to graduate on time with an acceptable GPA.

“I think I’m just going to go home and rest for a bit before I start some homework. What about you?”

“Yea, same. I plan on just-” Jaebum stopped mid-sentence as he felt his phone buzzing, telling Jinyoung quickly to “hold on for a minute” as he pulled it out to check who was calling him. Upon looking at his phone screen, all and any positive emotions he felt all day left his body. The word “Mom” remained on the screen as he let the call go to voicemail. Classes didn’t go past three o’clock on Fridays so his mother knew that Jaebum wasn’t in class. This was only confirmed when a follow up text came up on the screen next. Though he was reluctant, Jaebum still viewed it anyways.

**Mom:**

_Hi Jaebum, can we talk? Hopefully you aren’t busy studying just yet. Love you…_

“‘Love you’ my ass…” Jaebum whispered hotly under his breath. He was beginning to be consumed with so many angry thoughts that he forgot Jinyoung was with him until the younger man spoke up.

“Is everything alright?”

“Huh? Oh, it’s nothing.” However, the look Jinyoung gave Jaebum told him that he wasn’t convinced. “Seriously, it’s nothing. I just have to go take care of something, that’s all.”

“Okay…I believe you.”

“I’ll text you later, okay? Let me know that you got home safe.” After giving Jinyoung a quick peck on the cheek, Jaebum began to walk backwards in the direction of his apartment as he watched Jinyoung walk in the direction of his own. When Jinyoung was no longer in his line of sight, Jaebum turned around and let out a deep sigh, questioning what exactly he was going to do in response to his mother’s text.

 

 

 

 

Jaebum slammed the door and roughly kicked off his sneakers upon entering the apartment, startling Jackson out of the calm evening he was evidently having. It was obvious that something was up, but knowing how Jaebum could get, Jackson waited for Jaebum to open up rather than prod him with questions. It didn’t take long before Jaebum exploded though, yelling about how he couldn’t believe his mother had the audacity to text him asking if they could 1) talk, and 2) tell him that she loved him; he scoffed at the last part, feeling that was the most laughable part of his mother’s text. Jackson knew that under all of Jaebum’s anger though, he was actually just hurting, but being his stubborn self he just didn’t want to admit it. Therefore, he had to try his best to go about this discussion without pushing the wrong button.

“Well, isn’t this what you wanted? To talk? To get some answers?”

“Yes, but-”

“Then what’s the issue?” Too soon.

“I don’t know!” Jaebum took a deep breath to calm himself and apologized to Jackson for shouting at him, knowing that it was wrong to take his frustrations out on him. He sat down on the couch next to Jackson and buried his head in his hands. “I know I said I wanted to talk to her, but I don’t think I’m ready. It’s too soon.”

Jackson put a comforting hand on Jaebum’s shoulder. “Look, do what you think is best. What ever you decide, I’ll be here to support you.”

Jackson got up and went into his room, leaving Jaebum to think. He took out his phone and stared at the text message his mother had sent him almost thirty minutes ago. Jaebum was truly lost. A part of him felt like he was being rude by not wanting to answer his mother’s text; he didn’t understand this at all because after everything that had happened, she really didn’t deserve an answer from him. He tossed his phone over to the side and got up so he could get undressed and take a shower, but his phone buzzed again, notifying him of a text. Dreading that it was his mother again, Jaebum didn’t want to answer it, but he was eager to see the message so he picked up his phone anyways.

**Jinyoung:**

_I forgot to text when I got home, sorry about that_

Jaebum smiled down at his phone. The warmth he felt earlier with Jinyoung was slowly returning.

**Jinyoung:**

_Also, thank you for lunch today. I enjoyed it :)_

**Jaebum:**

_If you’re free tomorrow, I’d like to take you out on a real date_

His heart was racing.

**Jinyoung:**

_I’m free all day_

A smile broke out on his face, so bright that it could beat the sun.

**Jaebum:**

_I’ll text you tomorrow then. Night Jinyoung_

Jaebum made his decision. He wasn’t going to answer her, especially not now. It was way too soon. The wounds were still fresh and he wasn’t ready. After everything she put him through, all the arguments, emotional, mental, physical and verbal abuse, and the lack of love his mother had given him in the past two years, Jaebum wasn’t going to answer his mother. Not yet. If forgiveness was a possible outcome for his mother in the future, Jaebum felt she was going to have to work for it. His happiness needed to come first, and Jaebum would go to hell and back to make sure that no one would ever hold so much power over him again that they’d be able to steal his joy. Not even his mother. He came first and from now own, that’s how things were going to be. His mother could wait. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! It's my last year of college so I've been really busy. I want to publish more one-shots so if you have any suggestions for what ships and scenarios you'd like me to write, message me here or on twitter. My @ is @beomoles! Thank you for reading guys; I'll make sure to upload chapter 6 asap! :)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic and I'm so happy to finally have the first chapter up. Hope you guys liked it!


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